Betty and Gloria Survive A Not Terror Attack

Betty and Gloria Survive A Not Terror AttackBetty & Gloria were on the subway headed home from their weekly fight the patriarchy rally. As the train pulled into the next stop a man dressed in black boarded. As soon as the doors closed he pulled out a gun and began waving it around.

“Alluha Akbaaaaaarr.” He shouted

“Oh no, Betty,” Gloria screamed “it’s one of those fundamentalist Christians who hates gay people!”

“I know and he’s, he’s, he’s got one of those things!”

“What things?” said Gloria

“Those gun things. It could jump out of his hand at any moment and kill us all!”

“Listen infidels,” the man said “I’m a loyal soldier of ISIS here to inflict Allah’s justice on the decadent west.”

“What did he say?” asked Betty, who was cowering under the seat by now.

“That he’s from the NRA and he’s here to make sure ten year olds can buy fully automatic weapons at gun shows,” whispered Gloria.

“Oh no, we’re doomed. Those people are as crazy as it gets!”

“Shut up infidel spawns of Satan!” the man barked.

By the time the train pulled into the next station the platform was filled with police and SWAT. The man began threatening to shoot the passengers.

As he leveled his gun at Betty & Gloria, a shot rang out. The man dropped to the floor. The police rushed the car and in moments it was over thanks to a police sharpshooter.

Afterwards Betty & Gloria were interviewed by the police.

“Ma’am, what can you tell us about what happened?”

“Don’t you ma’am me you cisgender fascist,” said Betty.

“Oh, sorry, well, what did you ladi…um…I mean can you tell me what happened?”

“It’s all kind of a blur,” said Gloria. “The only thing I remember for sure is that he was waving a Confederate flag.”

Betty and Gloria walked along in silence as they headed home wondering how this could have happened. Finally Betty said:

“You know Gloria, it occurs to me that perhaps we’re wrong about this man.”

“How do you mean?”

“I bet he was just a self-loathing transgender man who had been oppressed his whole life by being forced to use the women’s restroom and he finally just had enough.”

“You could be right,” said Gloria. “And if that’s true, you can’t really blame him. I bet he’s even had people bully him by refusing to use his preferred pronoun.”

“Yes,” said Betty. “It’s sad. What a mixed up world we live in.”

“Indeed.” said Gloria.